I like to keep Sundays with Gage on the light side, at least for Gage, but we have reached the all important milestone of tantrums. Did I say no? Tantrum. Do we have to leave the swings after 40 minutes? Big-time tantrum. My favorite is the I’m going to hang out between your legs until you pick me up move that he’s perfecting. Picking him up usually does the trick. Unless it’s the swings, there’s nothing to be done for that.
Gage was having a grumpy morning so we took him out to the park and then outlet mall where they have lots of ducks and kiddy rides.
This seemed like a great idea until after each thing was done. It was like we flipped a switch and ended up with this…
I thought it was a bit early for tantrums, but from looking around at other mom sites I see that I am not alone in this 18 month old clingy/tantrum period. That helps, but seeing that it might last for awhile has me calling in reinforcements.
I’m asking all you moms or kid lovers out there for some good tantrum advice. What worked for you?
33 thoughts on “Tantrums with Gage”
Oh gosh, I would love to hear ideas that work! I don’t know anyone who is good at this!
Ignore the tantrum…keep talking calmly…act as if no tantrum is going on…do not give in…do not pick him up…if you give in, then he is going to get the message that he just needs to have the tantrum to get what he needs…walk away…not far…just a little ways…he may stop to see where you went…when he does do that, walk back happy that he is calm, and then pick him up:) This always worked for my daughter…Good Luck, it is a trying time…BTW, as a parent, I always would rather see a loudly yelling baby as apposed to a quietly appeased baby that has a mother who just gave in to the tantrum…He is just testing his limits and yours…
Ignoring is hard when he’s hitting his head on the floor, but I’m trying!
When my sister was a toddler, my mom’s strategy was very simple. She would say, “Ew, how I dislike rude children, I think I’m going home”, and then start to walk away. That ended the tamtrum right away, And my mom says she used the same trick with me, and that it always worked.
I like it:)
I tried leaving the room but so far this hasn’t done much. Maybe when he’s just a but older.
Don’t give in! I know it’s hard not too, especially in a public setting, but once you start letting them have what they want- downhill from there. I have 19mos old. It’s tantrums here, too.
So far Jason and I have mostly laughed because he is so melodramatic. Not as easy to laugh after I’ve been home alone all day with a disgruntled kid.
I was really really lucky … my son was never a tantrum kid (until recently … when he should know better). I’ve heard to ignore it and let it runs its course but I don’t know if that actually works. It is trying though … so I feel for you.
Lucky for you. It’s crazy around here right now.
Well, he looks really cute! Tantrum or not!!
It does make it easy to smile intead of cry when I see his face 🙂
I agree with everyone that has said to walk a little bit away..and say “Im going to go”..=)
and kind of act like your leaving the area..
hope all goes well! =)
I’ll be trying that when possible. Now it’s a problem when I want to get him dressed & out of the house in the mornings.
Oh yeah fun times ahead … I remember the tantrum days well and my eldest son (now 20) had a gold medal in tantrum throwing. When at home we dealt with tantrums by ignoring as much as possible, if tantrum escalated or he was in danger of injuring himself or someone else we would calmly (LOL) remove him to safe place and say he could come out when he was quiet. Or “sit here, when you’re quiet, mummy will get you lunch.” Be specific in the behaviour you’re expecting … “when you’re quiet”, “when you’ve stopped crying” but obviously phrase it to development and try and phrase it positively. We had mixed success with this, sometimes he would just continue to scream til he vomited and sometimes he calmed down quickly.
We also started star charts at a very young age, (like Gage) that was a tip recommended in a management of young children program. Eg. When we go to the park today we are staying 10 mins or 10 swings or 1 go on each play item (whatever your child would understand) When we go home quietly when mummy says it’s time to go then we will put a star on the chart & read a story, listen to music, have cuddles or whatever … remind again as you arrive at park. As you’re doing the second last thing, remind again that there is one to go and then it’s time to go home quietly and put the star up and ‘be rewarded’ for the good behaviour.
Lots of things that friend’s suggested didn’t seem to work for my eldest but you have good judgement Stacy. Try the things you think are worthwhile, be calm and consistent and don’t be afraid to say sorry if you lose your cool and raise your voice. The little darlings can try your patience as they become more independent and test limits and boundaries. Good luck 🙂
It’s nice to find other mothers who have gone through the same thing. I’ll have to try the chart. I’m willing to try anything!
Tantrums are tough – hard to listen to and hard to deal with. I think each parent has to try and stick to whatever they can manage to deal with them. For me, this is what I did and we did go through a short while where my Sam had tantrums. If we were at home, I took her to her room and told her she could come back to be with me when she felt better – and then I checked on her frequently. I think Sam might have been a little bit older than Gage, but maybe not too much. If we were in public, different story. I remember once she threw herself to the ground in the middle of aisle in a big department store. I couldn’t leave her there and walk away like I might have at home. I picked her up immediately and we went to the car and went home. I told her that we couldn’t stay and do whatever it was that she liked because she was not able to talk in an inside voice and not scream. It took some patience and persistance, but it worked for us or she just moved out of that stage.
I think mostly remembering that their attention span is about a minute for each year and also remembering that a minute for each year of age is about how long to walk away and not check back. It’s mostly an attention thing and also I think one has to take into account certain triggers such as being too tired or perhaps not feeling well. One time my husband dealt with Sam and a big tantrum and then a few minutes later, one of her eardrums burst. (We dealt with lots of ear infections with her.) He couldn’t tell that when she was screaming, but I say that to point out that sometimes they are irritable or cranky because of teething, getting sick, or haven’t had a nap. Hubby still feel bad about that incident. LOL
Good luck. You’ll manage and it’s good that you are working out strategies. Try them all. 🙂
At first they would happen when he was tired. Now they happen when we want him to do something, like get dressed or a diaper change and when he wants to keep doing something that he can’t, like swinging. So pretty much all of the time!
I’m still there with the tantrums. I like the calm voice, wait it out, talk to them about leaving or going to a different place to cry it out. I”ve noticed if I get frustrated or angry myself it only exacerbates the problem, which I usually do…but my rational brain keeps saying: calm voice, wait it out, talk…..;) So 1 out of 10 times I do the awesome mom thing 🙂
So hard, though. One day it’ll be teenage tantrums!!! oh, the fun to look forward to! Good luck and hugs 🙂
The first week I wasn’t very good at handling them. I’m getting better, but my frustration does come through sometimes and it is not helpful 🙂
Oh sorry to hear this. Maybe my memory has blocked this out in the last 35 years, but I don’t remember this phase.
You didn’t really have tantrums when you were little – lucky us. Gage is testing boundaries and you have been given lots of suggestions here on how to deal with him. Hopefully one or two of them will work with Gage and he will move through this stage quickly! Just don’t lose your sense of humor! Love the pictures – he’s cute even when he’s unhappy.
The walking away thing wouldn’t work with my son. He’d just wave goodbye and go do what it was he wanted to do. Different things work for different kids, but the one thing I would always advise is: Don’t get embarrassed because your kid is throwing a tantrum. Embarrassment is their ace because it causes Mommy or Daddy to cave. I once got down on the floor of the store we were in and threw a tantrum right beside him. He saw how stupid it looked and got up. I’ve also carried him screaming and kicking over my shoulder to the checkout aisle, calmly paid for my purchases, and walked with my bags to the car, with him still screaming and kicking. The other thing that helps a lot is to set down the gameplan ahead of time and make him agree to it before you start. He won’t always keep his word, but he’ll get better at sticking to the plan when he feels like he was in on making it.
I can totally see you walking out of the store with him thrown over your shoulder, LOL. Most of them have been at home or escalated once in the car, so not too much embarrassment so far. Yet.
I love that he waved bye-bye to your walking away strategy :0) Kids are so smart.
At 18 months it’s easy to ignore them as long as he’s in no physical danger. I have pulled the “I’m leaving, good luck finding your way home” with my 6 and 1/2 and 4 year old. It works well most of the time.
If you ignore it now, you’ll be thankful later.
I’m trying that. Here’s hoping.
Sorry, no advice from me. I think I must have blocked that period from my mind. But you do have my sympathy dealing with Gage’s obstinate and grumpy moments.
Oh man. I guess it’s probably wishful thinking to hope that I don’t go through this? 😉 But I can understand your frustration and fear that it will be all too easy for me to lose my calm when the going gets tough (luckily Scott is MUCH more patient than I am). When my sister’s daughter was a little bit older than Gage she would tell her that if she wanted to cry that she could go to her room and do it. And little Emma (around 2) would go to her room until she was done! Like Kay said, Brooke would go check on her periodically, but basically the idea was if she was going to throw a tantrum Brooke didn’t want to be around it.
Hugs. I’m sure I’m just a few short months behind you…
Holy cow it has been a long time since I’ve had to deal with tantrums! I have no advice other than not to give him too much attention when he throws them or to let him see you get upset or give in to them!!! 🙂
Eeek we are kinda lucky the tantrums dont last long or are easily fixed. I usually (a) stick to my guns no is no. I dont want to start giving in (b) give fair warning something is going to happen/be removed “ok 5 more minutes or 5 more swings and it is time to go” (c) I the ask for the object or say “Ok time to go go go!” really cheerfully (this step can be hit or miss) (d) sometimes distraction works “J look at the car! do you want to press the button to unlock the car?” (e) if all this fails lots of cuddles and saying over and over “why are you crying?” or “it’ time to go/ It’s time for bed you cant play with that right now”. I always stay calm and just talk to J, he normally responds well if we just talk it through and not just take away his want right there and then, then leave him to his tantrum. This is not always fool proof but it works maybe 7 times out of 10.
SOmetimes though you just have to ride it out 😦 If he is throwing the tantrum because your not doing something quick enough eg getting food ready. I just let the tantrum go and talk patiently to him saying something like “you will just have to wait, until I finish.Look I have got the yoghurt, I am pouring it into a bowl, can you get the spoon, tah dah here it is!” again doesnt always work but I find talking him through it makes it a bit easier.
Hope that made sense and/or helped.
Oh man! I remember my brother doing this way back when. My mom just ignored him and it worked eventually. He learned his lesson for sure 🙂 Good luck and here’s hoping Gage realizes this is not how the big boys behave 🙂
Gage is too cute for tantrums…ha! Yes, I remember the tantrum days very well. I got the kid with the tantrums that didn’t start until he was 3. My only advice is to remain firm and never give in to whatever he is throwing the fit over. If you give in, you are done for! Good luck!