I grew up thinking I’d have lots of kids. As an only child I thought the grass was greener in the big, noisy home, I guess. Then I went off to college and after moved on to Washington DC with a serious relationship or two under my belt, but nothing that stuck and babies seemed as far away as Brad Pitt. So, when I married Jason at the perfect age of 27, I kinda figured kids would happen a few years later. Every time we had the discussion kids were always a few years away until 36 hit and I suddenly felt my eggs drying up at an alarming rate. Yes, I could feel them 😉
Anyhoo, we had a miscarriage a month after we started trying to have a baby and it took us over a year to try again. We considered our life together and whether children had to be a part of it. Honestly, I was scared to try again. We both decided our lives would be great either way. And over a year later Gage was cooking.
All of this is just to show that I didn’t set out to become an older mom. Sometimes the years get away from you and it happens. But, there are a few distinct differences between older and younger moms. For me (certainly not all), I was in so much better shape when I was younger and now that Gage is starting to walk I realize that even when I lose some weight there will be aches and pains that wouldn’t have been there 15 years ago.
Also, I know so much more than I did in my 20’s. This is both a good and bad thing. From watching news (something I didn’t do much of back then) I am more aware of the dangers of pregnancy, childbirth, what to feed them, organic vs. not, etc. but there is something to be said for going into motherhood blind and full of naive excitement. Let’s be honest, we’re all a little naive until we are trying to comfort a screaming baby at 4 am when there’s been no sleep for days.
I do know myself and am happy and content with life, which is a good thing for Gage to see. At 27, I was still trying to figure out how to make that happen. I spent my late 20’s and early 30’s moving a few times, traveling quite a bit, trying a few different jobs and having lots of very cool experiences. But I know lots of friends that were happy and content to be having kids at that age and their kids will also benefit from personally fulfilled mothers. A few of my friends are grandmothers already, something I will have to wait a while to experience, if ever.
So, for every child rearing experience there are two sides and one is not necessarily better, they are just different. I do feel my age with Gage, but when I take him to storytime or to the gym, the younger moms are surprised that I’m 40, so I must be wearing it well 🙂 (Of course, they only say they are surprised if my gray hairs have recently been returned to their rightful dark brown)
What was the best thing about the age that you (or your mother) became a parent. For me, being an older mom, the best thing is being exactly where I want to be in life and having some great experiences and wisdom to pass on to Gage.
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I think 20’s are too young! But they are perfect from one important perspective and that’s energy level! (assuming it sort of declines only decade by decade, 30’s would still be okay for energy!)
I think you did it just right! You’re a great mom and of course, you look wonderful! 😀
Stacy, I really love your posts about motherhood. (I know I’ve said that a few other times, but I really do.) Your honest experience is refreshing. And thanks for another picture of little Mr. Big Eyes.
I had my son in my early thirties and now he is almost 18. I was definitely not ready to be a mom in my twenties. I think we all find the perfect time for us to be a mom!
What a wonderful post Stacy. I think whenever we are blessed with our children is the ‘right’ time.
I knew I was going to have fertility problems so I started in my early 20’s and ended up losing our baby daughter just after she was born. I then had 2 boys, almost 3 years apart, through IVF. I love the fact that my boys are now 20 and 17 and I’m only 43 but I was certainly very fortunate that it happened this way.
Well, I didn’t get married until 29 and so…but I think I liked not being a child parent, but sure could have used the energy of a much younger Mom…lol…I was 33 when I had my daughter…She is an only but not by choice..that isa a story, or was actually, for another day…
I was 28 when Vance was born and it seemed right to us. To be honest, at 53, it’s kind of nice to have that part of my life behind me. Having said that, every older mom I’ve ever known has said that having a child a little later was a true blessing. I think you were at the right age for you because otherwise you wouldn’t have had cute little Gage.
What a road you and Jason and now Gage have been on! I think being an older mother gives you an unbelievable perspective and patience that a younger mother simply would not have. But I agree that no matter how old one is when one becomes a mother, there is no training, no books, no classes that will completely prepare you for the vexing and most amazing adventure of motherhood.
I love this post, Stacy! I got married young (23) but now at almost 28 I’m no more ready to have kids than I was almost 5 years ago. Hubby and I aren’t 100% sold on the idea at this point, to be honest. So I know that if we do go down that road, I will be most likely in my mid thirties when we begin trying, and I’ll end up in a similar situation to you. I’ve been told by many (MANY) people that it’s better to have kids in your twenties, and I should start now, etc., but I’m not interested in doing what people say. 😉 I’ll do what’s right for me, when it’s right for me. Your story inspires me that I’m making the right choices for myself and my family.
And BTW, I think Gage gets cuter and cuter every week!
I think the “right age” is different for every parent. I had Amber when I was 25, not exactly planned, but definitely a wonderful blessing.
You are the perfect age to be a great mom! Just enjoy Gage. That’s all I can say…
Personally I can’t say anything here in a public place….maybe someday I will share it with you via email…
Very cryptic! You’ve got me curious Gautami.
The best thing about being a mom at 40 is all of the free hand-me-downs Sammy gets from all of those other crazy people who had kids a decade or more before we did ;0)
I didn’t quit smoking until I was 37 and then lost a ton of weight so I am actually healthier now than I was when I was in my 30’s.
When I was in my 20’s, I was most concerned about who was buying the next round.
On the flip side, now that all those folks who had kids younger are getting to the point where they can get out and enjoy life, we’re cleaning up spit-up and poopy diapers. Oh well. I just consider myself blessed to have the opportunity at all.
Give sweet Gage a big smooch for me.
I just turned 30 this year, which seems like the perfect age for ME to have a baby. The problem I’m having is that I’d like to have several kids (we’re thinking maybe even 4!), so if I have a two year space between children, I’ll be 38 with my youngest. And can I really do a two year gap? Seems like not enough time. But, I know I shouldn’t worry about things and just let them happen as they will.
Most of my cousins started having babies at a very young age. My cousins who are my age are mostly done having their children when I’m just starting (they are Mormon, so it is mostly a cultural thing, I think). There are certainly plus and minuses, but most of my friends still don’t have children and I think that’s the growing norm these days. My best friend from high school got pregnant at 20 and had terrible experiences with the older moms! Not sure there is a “right” age. Just has to be right for the mom. Great post, Stacy. And adorable picture of Gage.
Great post! I was 22 when I had The Girl, and while I definitely had the energy to keep up with a baby, it was tough because I was still sorting out so much in my own life and I was now in charge of another! I made it work (of course) but I think if we ever have another, I’ll be better prepared because I’m more sure of myself now.
I’m an older mom too and I think the greatest benefit is being more “settled” in life and not thinking you’re missing out on something if you stay home to be with your child. I’m more relaxed and less stressed than I was in my 20s/early 30s too. On the downside, I definitely don’t have as much energy!
I think age depends on the generation and the person. My mom was 22 when she had me. I think it was a good age in that she was open minded as I grew up, and I have more time to spend with her so to speak. But that’s what people did back then. Now people waiting until their 30’s to have children and attitudes and behaviors have changed.
I think you appreciate things more because of your experiences, your age, and you as a person. I have aches and pain too and no children! AS for safety issues etc., plenty of us lived just fine without knee pads and bike helmets. Too much info can be a bad things sometimes. Have a wonderful holiday Stacy 🙂
I love your story, Stacy, and it made me feel better about myself. I’m 34 and alone and certainly with no kids in the horizon. I’m not sure if I’ll ever have any. What I can say, though, is I am loving my life and what I have done and experienced so far. It’s a great, great life!
That’s so beautiful! I’m so glad you are comfortable where you are and that you’ve had those wonderful experiences. Gage will definitely appreciate it! I feel those aches and pains too! Thanks again for sharing your story. I always feel better after your posts. Hugs and cheers this holiday season!