I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids, by Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile

I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids: Reinventing Modern MotherhoodFinished 2-5-12, rating 4/5, parenting, 172 pages, pub. 2007

I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids is the book that sparked my post about how hard mothering is.  I really enjoyed all of the wonderful and insightful comments on that post.  It’s probably one of my favorites and I have this book to thank for it.

These two moms wrote this book when they figured out that they couldn’t be the only mothers who felt less than positively about motherhood.  They interviewed over 100 moms trying to answer a few of these questions: what happened to the people we were before we became moms, why do we constantly feel that we’ve made the wrong choices, why do we feel guilty all the time, how come nobody talks about how hard motherhood truly is.  It’s really that last one that this book met head on and for the first time I felt like I wasn’t alone with some of my less than positive feelings.

This book never feels like a pity party, but it does focus on the difficulties of motherhood.  If you need a book on the joys of being a mother I might look somewhere else.  But really, who needs to read about the joys?  That’s the easy part, isn’t it? The smiles and laughs and talking and walking.  I was happy to read about the dark side without the book feeling dark or heavy at all.

It’s a quick read if you want it to be, but it took me 2 months to finish because I would pick it up and read a chapter or two and not come back until I needed another reality check.  Here’s what I learned – there are a whole lot of women feeling overwhelmed same as me.  The chapters address things like how expectations and reality often cause the most frustration, judging other moms harshly, making your relationship work, honoring yourself, and living in the moment.  The chapter on expectations spoke to me the most, but I got something out of each of the chapters.  I tend to expect too much from myself and this helped me step back and analyze my new role.

It was really the quotes by moms sprinkled liberally throughout the book that I appreciated most.  I was shocked by their honesty.

My husband’s expectations are higher for me after I decided to stay home.  I feel like he expects me to be happier.  I get to raise my kids, so I should be happy, right?  I can’t really complain, so I turn into a martyr.  I don’t even realize I’m doing it, but he does.  He says, “Get more help if you need it.”  But I know that if I did it would feel like I wasn’t doing my job.  (page 36)

There are times I wonder why I had kids at all.  I’m not sure why I’m doing it.  I worry that I don’t have time to help them grow in all the ways I’d like them to grow. (page 60)

I totally relate to the first and the second one only half speaks for me.  I know why I had Gage and I don’t ever question the decision, but I do worry about being the mom that he needs me so that he can be the best person he can be.

Anyway, I think this is perfect for any new mom.  I think it will make her feel less isolated during those first few years of motherhood.

This was from my own library.

The Art of Mending, by Elizabeth Berg

The Art of MendingFinished audio 2-24-12, rating 3.25/5, fiction, pub. 2004

Unabridged audio read by Joyce Bean.  6 hours.

Laura and her family of four make the annual trip back to her hometown in Minnesota and to the fair that draws her brother and sister too.  This year, Laura’s sister Caroline, asks that Laura and their brother Steve meet with her away from their parent’s home, and they do without enthusiasm since Caroline has always been full of drama.  What she tells them is shocking, she claims that she was mistreated by their mother all throughout her childhood.

I am an only child, so I like to live vicariously through novels about complicated sibling relationships and this one did not disappoint.  Laura and Caroline had never been close, but they were sisters and when Caroline’s confession coincides with a family tragedy Laura wasn’t all that receptive to Caroline.  For most of the book I found Laura too cool and dismissive of her sister to really like her, but as she worked to come to terms with this new vision of her mother I started to warm to her.

I love reading (or listening to) Elizabeth Berg novels, most of them are slice of life stories that are insightful and have the familiarity of talking to a friend.  This was a good story about how three kids living in a house can have such different feelings and memories about their childhood.  I liked it even if it fell a bit short of expectations for me. I think it could have delved a little deeper and adding a few more chapters wouldn’t have hurt.  It was still a solid story.

This audio was checked out of the library.

First & Last Quiz – guessing closed

I’ve had a lot of books make my way into my house in the past year and I chose 10 for this challenge.  See if you can match the first and last lines with these 10 books.  Give me the title and then the letters of the first and last lines.  4 points for correct first line, 4 points for correct last line and an extra 2 if you get both.  10 points each.

You have until noon Saturday to submit your answers as a comment.  Comment will be hidden until I post the answers.  No Googling!

This round lasts til the end of March and the person with the most points will win a B&N gift card (total $ based on # of total participants, so please play) and a randomly selected participant will win a fun prize from me.

Have fun and Good Luck!

A Discovery of Witches D. The leather-bound volume was nothing remarkable. K. What we’ve always done, Joanna, Bridget replied. Remember the past-and await the future.

State of Wonder  C. The news of Anders Eckman’s death came by way of Aerogram, a piece of bright blue airmail paper that served as both the stationery and, when folded over and sealed along the edges, the envelope.  P. And Marina brought me back, and without a thought that anyone should see her, she told the driver to go on.

Girls in White Dresses   A. Isabella’s sister, Molly, was married with ten bridesmaids in matching tea-length, blue floral Laura Ashley dresses.  N. “You’re right. The worm turned.”

Adrenaline  H. Once my wife asked me: if you knew this was our final day together, what would you say to me?  R. “Ladies and gentlemen, I just acquired this bar.  The drinks are on the house.”

A Scattered Life  G. Skye’s earliest memory of Thomas was linked with smell of beer and the taste of blood.  T. “Why don’t you leave that, Mom, and go sit down? I’ll get to it later.”

Outside the Ordinary World  I. I’m pacing circles in the family therapist’s waiting room, trying to discern what my daughter is saying about me.  S. At the top of the hill, our house still blazes with the light of our argument, unexpectedly bright against the new storm rolling in from the west.

The Hypnotist  J. Time played tricks on him whenever he stood in front of the easel.  O. And then the gap was closed.

The Girl Who Would Speak for the Dead  B. The girl who would speak for the dead stood alone on the cobblestone drive after the rain.  L. I went back up the drive feeling like the only living thing for miles, and a very small living thing at that, while the groundhog slept in the earth somewhere nearby, dreaming his old collected dreams.

Neighborhood Watch F. Violence in the suburbs is not accompanied by the sounds we associate it with in cities.  Q. “Let’s go,” Leo says softly.  And we do.

On Folly Beach  E. Emmy awoke to the song of the wind in the bottle tree, to the black night and the winter chill, and knew Ben was gone from her the way the moon knows the ocean’s tide.  M. Then taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, she said good-bye to Ben for the last time.

Last week’s Animal Love Quiz here.  Leaderboard and rules here.

Sundays with Gage – Pets, the babies before the baby

Like most expectant moms I heard the warnings of having a cat during pregnancy and even the dangers after the baby was born (my mom shared a story of a cat who smothered a sleeping infant because of the milk on the mouth).  But Jason took over litter patrol during pregnancy (& thankfully kept it on his to do list) and I wasn’t too concerned about Scout or Max.  When we brought Gage home Max steered clear and really wanted nothing to do with him.  He couldn’t understand how that scrawny, needy thing could be more interesting than him.  Scout steered clear too, but mostly because that’s just her way.

When Gage started walking Max did not take kindly to the lurching, unpredictable baby.  Twice he bared his teeth and growled when Gage woke him by touching him near his face.  The first time it happened I cried for a while thinking we would have to find Max a new place to live.  Max is 8 and I was so sad that he couldn’t adjust to Gage.

We’ve been on hyper alert since and the two are never alone together.  I think Max is adjusting, it’s been months since those growls.  He does come up to Gage and gives him ear and head kisses (always properly washed off) and Gage sometimes feeds Max treats when he comes in from outside.  The jury is still out, but things have gotten better and Max has even started sleeping with us (the parents, not Gage) again, for a good while he shunned us.

Scout, who is now 13 1/2, lets Gage catch her occasionally and he loves her for it.

Here are a few pics of what Max has to deal with…

Lots of chasing,

And sharing of toys.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And when he can’t be nice anymore,

he escapes.

Scout’s approach is much calmer.  So, things are going better with the 4 legged kids and the newbie.  I am hoping someday Max and Gage will be buddies.

Oh, in answer to last week’s question, Gage’s next and only new word this week was Bowl.  Now that I’m looking at these photos maybe next week I should post Hair? with Gage.

February’s 5 Word Movie Reviews – Join in & win $ for charity

Every time you add 5 words of your own to one of my reviews then you donate $1 to charity.  What charity, you ask?  The charity is chosen by the person who has the most reviews once we reach 100. (Last charity herePLEASE leave a clear 5 word comment so I can give credit for it. 

You can add reviews to any of my past movie posts AND see who is in the contributing lead here.

The Descendants, 2011 (Cast-George Clooney, Shailene Woodley, Matthew Lillard, Judy Greer)    Grade B++

Don’t See When Depressed. Worthwhile.

Emotionally draining.  Acting is superb. (Kathy)

Heartwrenching loss yet uplifting drama. (Stephanie)

Sad. George runs super silly. (Jenners)

 

Jane Eyre, 2011 (Cast-Mia Wasikowska, Michael Fassbender, Judi Dench)   Grade B

Maybe my favorite casting ever.

The most gothic, emotional rendition. (Heather)

Deliciously Gothic, beautiful and emotional. (Jenny)

 

Babies, 2010 (Cast- Ponijao, Baya, Mari, Hattie)  Grade B-

Fun look at first year.

Cute kiddos worldwide, highly recommended (Kay)

So sweet and so funny. (Margot)

A blast from the past…see what I said about The Road (2009) and add your review.

February Wrap Up and a Free Book

February was a slow reading month for me – I only finished 5 books and three of them were audio!  Thank goodness for listening time in the car.  This month I am offering one of you lucky readers a chance to win one of the books I reviewed, Half Full: Meditations on Hope, Optimism and the Things That Really Matter.  I liked this as a bright place to start my morning and will be sending off one brand new copy.  Just comment on my original post with your email and you’ll be entered.  If you’ve already commented just leave your email so I know you want to be entered.

So, the hard numbers on my daily goals are going to be brutal this month and you’ll find out why.  10,000 steps (18/28), 8 glasses of water (16/28), daily meditations (27/28), a note to Jason (9/20), One line mom diary (28/28).  I was under the weather for almost 3 weeks this month.  It was mostly sinus, but it refused to go away and I let some of these goals slide because just couldn’t make myself do it.  This also affected my secret goal for February…….I wanted to go vegetarian for the month.  I made it 9 days and when I just couldn’t shake my sickness I broke down and added meat back into my diet.  So, my last two goals were mixed- vegetarian (9/28) and a perfect month of letter writing (28/28)!  As you can see I viewed the 29th as a free day 🙂

What am I adding to my goals in March?  I am going to try to go vegetarian 2 days a week and see how that goes.  Until I have some good recipes and start planning better it will be hard to do more.  I am also setting the goal of 3 days a week of 30 minutes cardio.  Seems like so little, but I am trying carve out little bits of time for everything I want to do plus the stuff that is good for me 🙂 I’m already working on a vegetarian day today!

If you watch CNN or the like you will be sick of them talking about Ohio this week.  First, the horrible school shootings last week (the school is about 30 minutes from both Bonnie and me). And now those pesky Republican primaries.  I have never voted in a Republican primary, but they say it’s open this year so I may have to hold my judgement and vote for the candidate who least scares the crap out of me.

If you have any good vegetarian recipes to help me out I would love an email.  Keep in mind I will not let brocoli or mushrooms pass my lips and it would be an added bonus if they were dairy and peanut free so Gage could eat it too.  (do you see what a pain it is to cook meals around here?)

Letters of the Century:America 1900-1999

Letters of the Century: America 1900-1999Edited by Lisa Grunwald & Stephen J. Adler

Jason and I are reading this together in the evening before Gage goes to bed.  I think it’s a good thing that he hear us both reading aloud.  Usually just a letter or two, so it’s going to take a while to finish this 676 page chunkster. Instead of a review at the end I thought every month or so I’d post a letter that I liked.

July 19, 1901, Mark Twain to Edward Dimmit (this was a response to an invitation to attend Missouri’s 80th birthday celebration)

By an error in the plans, things go wrong end first in this world, and much precious time is lost and matters of urgent importance are fatally retarded.  Invitations which a brisk young fellow should get, and which would transport him with joy, are delayed and impeded and obstructed until they are fifty years overdue when they reach him.

It happened again in this case.

When I was a boy in Missouri I was always on the lookout for invitations but they always miscarried and went wandering through the aisles of time; and now they are arriving when I am old and rheumatic and can’t travel and must lose my chance.

I have lost a world of delight through this matter of delaying invitations.  Fifty years ago I would have gone eagerly across the world to help celebrate anything that might turn up.  It would have made no difference to me what it was, so that I was there and allowed a chance to make noise.

The whole scheme of things is turned wrong end to.  Life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages.  As things are now, when in youth  a dollar would bring a hundred pleasures, you can’t have it.  When you are old, you get it and there is nothing worth buying with it then.

It’s the epitome of life,  The first half of it consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.

I am admonished in many ways that time is pushing me inexorably along.  I am approaching the threshold of age; in 1977 I shall be 142.  This is not time to be flitting about the earth.  I must cease from the activities proper to youth and begin to take on the dignities and gravities and inertia proper to that season of honorable senility which is on its way and imminent as indicated above.

Yours is a great and memorable occasion, and as a son of Missouri I should hold it a high privilege to be there and share your just pride in the state’s achievements; but I must deny myself  the indulgence , while thanking you earnestly for the prized honor you have done me in asking me to be present.

Very truly yours,

S.L. Clemens

Animal Love Quiz – guessing closed

I love animals, but I don’t read many stories that focus on them, mainly because I think they’ll break my tender heart.  Let’s see how you all do in identifying these real life and fictional animals.  You can give me the animal’s name OR the title of the book for 6.5 points each.

You have until noon Saturday to submit your answers as a comment.  Comment will be hidden until I post the answers.  No Googling!

This round lasts til the end of March and the person with the most points will win a B&N gift card (total $ based on # of total participants, so please play) and a randomly selected participant will win a fun prize from me.

Good luck!

1. Marley, Marly & Me 2. Orson, A Good Dog 3. Georgia, Saddled 4. Dewey 5. Oogy  6. Rinn Tin Tin, Rin Tin Tin:The Life and the Legend  7. Merle, Merle’s Door  8. Miasy, Maisy’s Book of Things That Go  9. Frances, Bread and Jam for Frances  10. The Cat in the Hat  11. Scooby-Doo, Scooby-Doo and the Haunted Doghouse  12. Curious George, A Treasury of Curious George  13. Babar, Babar Loses His Crown  14. Sounder  15. Clifford, Clifford’s First Easter  16. The Very Hungry Caterpillar

Persuader, by Lee Child

Persuader (Jack Reacher Series #7)Finished 2-23-12, rating 4/5, thriller, 465 pages, pub. 2003

Book 7 in the Jack Reacher series (Book 1) (Book 2) (Book 3) (Book 4) (Book 5) (Book 6)

I don’t usually read a series the whole way through but after my last enjoyable outing with Reacher in Without Fail I just wanted a little more time with the studly renegade.

Jack sees a flash from the violent past as he’s walking down the street and is shocked enough to contact someone from his days in the military. His request for information sets off alarm bells in the FBI and Reacher is contacted for answers and then help.  He will be working off the books deep undercover for a drug kingpin and his family.

I love Reacher and his uncompromising view of the world.  He thinks bad things should happen to bad people and he doesn’t mind making those bad things happen, even permanently.  The body count in each book is fairly high and there’s usually a sexual conquest in each book.  I’ll be interested to see the total numbers for both when the series is over.  This wasn’t my favorite one, it was a little meandering, but I did like the flashbacks that allowed us to see Reacher in the military, before he became a lone wolf combing the country.

I think if you like the Lucas Davenport series by John Sandford you’ll like this series too.

This book was from my personal library.

Words with Gage

Gage had a few words at 14 months and a few more at 15 months, Up, No, Uh-Oh, Pop and Wow being his go-to words.  Now he’s a big boy at 16 months and new words are coming more frequently.  His favorite word this month is That and he uses it ALL THE TIME.  The pointer comes out and he wants to know what everything is.  Sometimes it’s a blank wall and sometimes it’s the 15th time I’ve said sock that day.  Either way it’s nice to hear him use words even if we’re not exactly having a conversation.

So, what’s the danger of this explosion of new words?  Well, they aren’t exactly perfected quite yet and by far the most embarrassing is Gage’s love for clocks.  He tries to say it, he does say it, quite a bit.  Loudly and in public and without an important letter.  There’s no l in his clock yet and both Jason and I have had to laugh when people look at Gage as he yells his mispronounced word. I am sure they are asking themselves why we would use such language in front of our kid.

I know this is just the beginning of embarrassing things Gage will say and I’m looking forward to it.  Now that he’s repeating words I’m really going to have to watch what I say!

His other new words this week are Cracker, Cookie, and Dog.  But just today he started saying Ball with his friend, Brooke.

And he just said Car for Daddy. I wonder what his next word will be?